There was a time...when I thought I had an answer for everything and a smile for everyone. But my heart was dark and my spirit stifled and I felt lonely and afraid.
There was a measure of comfort in the esteem of others, in the justification for my disappointments, in the familiarity of my world, and in the promise that all would be made right. You know, someday.
This year, I've made a lot of important choices. The sum of these choices is a reflection of a new perception of my worth, of my purpose, and of the meaning of life.
As many of you know or have guessed, this year I left the faith of my upbringing. I am no longer a believer. I am proud of my Mormon heritage, and I love my LDS friends and family. It's still a big part of who I am. And I love and admire who you are. But in pursuit of my own personal integrity, I wanted to leave. I left.
And, yesterday, I resigned from my job. I'll be there a few more weeks. It has been a wonderful job, filled with incredible opportunities for learning and growth. I truly love my coworkers. But I began to realize, during the past several months, that I'd fallen yet again into the very familiar rut of "counting down." Of realizing that I still wasn't satisfied. Of living a day-dreamy half-life.
I used to think that I should be able to BE CONTENT in any situation. You know, if I were just humble enough, and grateful enough, and faithful enough...
But I am beginning to see patterns. I am beginning to know my own heart. In the end, what I want is not comfort! And it's not the esteem of others. That was a shocker... ;)
I no longer have an answer for everything, nor a smile for every one. But I am happy! The joy of existence is real, and exciting. I feel more free than ever to pursue what I want.
And what I want is...TO LIVE!...simplysarahstyle.