I had an epiphany the other day. (I know, another one!!)
So my therapist was asking me to describe a certain feeling, and I couldn't do it. I'd think, and I'd look at her (with my best puppydog eyes, of course), and I'd struggle for words. I wanted her to tell me the words to use. Which...of course... she wouldn't. So I failed. I couldn't describe how loneliness felt.
At the end of our session, she asked how I felt about how it had gone. Mostly, I said, I felt frustrated and helpless. Not angry at me? she asked. No.... And she assured me that I'd worked hard, and I began to cry (yes, again!). And she asked me how I felt when I cried, and I said that I felt relieved to think that maybe even if I wasted her time it was still valuable to her.
Which is when it hit me.
I want life to be like that. I want life to feel valuable, even in the moments that feel like a waste. I don't want the moments I spend with other people to only be of value when we feel perfect feelings or communicate effectively or comprehend one another. I don't want to feel frustrated or annoyed if my loved ones are upset, or unhappy. I want them to be allowed to be upset when they're around me. I want them to know that they - and all their feelings - are just as valuable to me, even if I can't (or won't?) make them feel better.
Is that possible? Am I making any sense? What do you think?